Infertile. How do I take that as a husband?

How should I handle my wife’s sterility? As a man, it is not easy to openly show my weakness, especially in front of my wife, who has such issues. I have always been the one who takes control of everything. I am often anxious and irritated about small things, which freaks me out. I was supposed to be calm, and I was sure to easily get rid of my negative feelings.

But things are different now that my wife and I found out that her chances of getting pregnant are close to zero due to that.


What I Know Vs. How I Genuinely Feel About My Wife’s Infertility Issue

I love my wife, and I will promise to love her forever. As much as possible, I do not want this infertility issue to become something that will ruin our ten years of marriage. I would still pick her over some unnecessary argument about dealing with infertility. That is the truth. That is what I know about infertility. However, that is not exactly what I feel right now. And that is what makes this whole infertility issue so complicated to handle.

Of course, I am a little heartbroken that our chance of having a baby is almost near impossible due to infertility. When I heard the infertility doctor say that my wife’s chance of getting pregnant is one over 100, I was shocked, thinking that we both are physically healthy. Ever since we got married, we committed ourselves to be happy and healthy living. So knowing that she will suffer from plenty of related complications when she gets pregnant was devastating to hear.

That Inferior Feeling I Get When I’m Reminded Of The Issue

But honestly, I would love to have a child. And even before we got married, my wife and I talked a hundred times about wanting to have a family. Therefore, every time I told her that it would be okay and that I didn’t care about her infertility, she never believed me because she knew how much I wanted to have kids. That makes me feel guilty because, at some point, it felt like I was the cause of my infertile wife’s insecurities.


The Basis Of Social Disconnection

Our most recent issue with this infertility problem is the detachment that we somehow unintentionally practice. It was not like we always wanted to isolate ourselves. We know other things out in the world provide us with happiness. But my wife and I were so bound to this issue of infertility that we chose to shut down people. I guess inferiority due to infertility problems might be a factor too. Honestly, I am fully aware of the damage this social disconnection can bring to our lives. But concerning my wife’s feelings due to infertility, that is all I can do for now.

I went along with my wife’s idea to entirely keep other people away from us due to the toxicity they bring with their questions and all that with her infertility struggle. It is as if they were trying to flare up the pressure my wife and I had with this infertility. This instance somehow led us to more trouble coping with infertility itself.



The Struggle In The Relationship

But the whole negative experience is not limited to knowing about the infertility issue but rather the truth we have to deal with. My wife’s mental health and I were so unstable that our relationship suffered until now. The primary dilemma was that we could not find the right reasons to work together through this situation. We even had difficulty agreeing to seek medical help because we both felt like this was a dead end.

Sometimes my infertile wife and I argued over whether to pursue treatments or not because that alone creates uncertainty. There was no assurance that she would bear a child in just a couple of treatments or medications. Thus, that whole option seemed like a total waste of effort and money. We also considered going straight to adoption. But the process alone is exhausting and too overwhelming to handle.

Insights And Takeaway

At some point, my infertile wife developed inferiority. She lost all the courage and motivation to work through this infertility issue. And even if she tried and said that she was okay and already accepted the complication and impossibility of having a child, what she was showing was different. She was never a happy person anymore, and that made me feel so anxious and depressed. It came to a point where both of us somehow felt the need to let go of each other because of the pressure buildup inside the house. Unfortunately, we are still holding on and trying to move on for good.


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