One of the challenges about being a father to a teenage girl is that the fact of meeting your daughter’s first boyfriend is inevitable. No matter how much you try to avoid it, there will always come a time when someone would knock at your door, look for your daughter and introduce himself as the teenage boyfriend. As a father, it is only reasonable to feel shocked about such fact, especially if you think your daughter is too young to enter into a relationship. However, it does not mean that you can embarrass your teen in front of his partner just because you do not approve of them being together. According to a therapist, that is one of the worst things that any parent could do.
Take note that we understand what you are going through at this point. Finding out about the reality that your beloved daughter is already dating may be ridiculous in the beginning. However, you have no choice but to go with the flow. It is crucial for you to understand the reality that you can never control the way your daughter would live his life. Your role is to guide her to the right path. “Meeting the man does not mean that you are a fan of the relationship. Instead, it means that you are a fan of your daughter.” explains Barbara Greenberg Ph.D. Do not fret because we have come up with some expert solutions or strategies on how to be cool when it comes to meeting your ‘teen’s first boyfriend. Here are the tips to remember:
Avoid Asking Too Many Questions
For sure, a lot of things are running into your mind the moment you meet the boyfriend. You may think whether or not he comes from a good family. At the same time, you will also start to wonder how the guy and your teen meet. Do they usually go to school together? Is the boyfriend the reason why your teen is no longer a home buddy. These are just some of the inquiries that will run in your mind. However, we highly recommend avoiding asking it right away to your teen and her partner. As much as possible, save all the questions in another meeting. Do not act paranoid because everyone can sense it. Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D. says that “The top reasons behind hiding a partner from parents include fearing that parents will disapprove and not wanting to be serious with the partner.”
Be At Your Best
At this point in reading this article, you may start to wonder why you will be the one who should be at best. Well, this only means that you must show your right side to the boyfriend despite your approval of the relationship. Take note that it is significant for your daughter to feel validated for all her choices, particularly when it comes to relationship. Be at your best behavior in talking and communicating with the kid. Otherwise, you may end up terrorizing the boyfriend, and it can have adverse effects on your relationship with your daughter. If you feel like scolding the other person, the best thing to do is to keep your cool first. Making threats such as “if you date so and so, I won’t pay for school or clothes or whatever” will only alienate your child.” Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D. advises. Avoid talking to the teens while you are still under a lot of stress and pressure. Wait for your intense emotions to subside before you can speak something that you will regret.
Ask Your Wife
If there are some questions that can be bothersome on your part, do not worry because you can always ask your wife about it. If there are some issues that you want to clarify with your teen, but you have no idea how to do it, be sure that you call for the help of your wife. For sure, she will be more than happy to assist you with everything you need. For example, if you wish to know more details about the background of your ‘teen’s boyfriend, it is best to try asking your wife because there is a good chance that she already knows. Aside from this, talking to your wife can also console what you are feeling inside. She can be your source of calmness in these times of confusion.
Talk To Other Parents
Another thing that you must never forget is to build connections with your communities. Get to know the parents who share the same sentiments as you do. If you have time to strike a conversation with a fellow dad who has the same concern as you do, then feel free to ask questions that you want to find the answers to. However, it is crucial that you ask questions that are fair and reasonable. Do not make examples that can put you and the other person in a compromising situation. More importantly, be careful of what you talk about to other people regarding your teenage daughter and her boyfriend.